Dear Darling
by Dream-with-your-heart
Summary: Just a school assignment I thought came out pretty good so I decided to post it here...


So this was an assignment that needed to be done for my Communications class and I thought it came out pretty good so I decided to put it here for criticism purposes.

Theme: Homosexuality

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My Darling,

It is currently midnight. I write this in darkness by the fire of a candle. You are peacefully sleeping in our bed three feet away. I wonder how it is you can take my breath away even in your dreams.

It is not easy what I am trying to do. I've tried writing this letter a dozen times before, all with the same result crumpled on the desk next to another try. I have agonized over this decision for weeks and weeks and it is not an easy one to make. Any decision that will hurt you is never an easy one to make and if I could take away the pain that I will cause you-probably even now causing you-I would.

Love, I wish you would not shed tears as I do not deserve them. But I know you will anyway because the hurt is unavoidable at this point.

You probably didn't see this coming. Believe me when I say I didn't want you to. I wanted you to be happy in our last moments; you do not deserve less.

But that is exactly what I'll be giving you if I stay; less than what you deserve, because the truth is that I no longer feel pride with you by my side. This has turned out to be my greatest secret and I am ashamed at it's truth. No, it is not your fault. It never was and it never will be for as long as we love in this life. The blame falls entirely on me. I no longer can use our love to blind myself to society's reactions when I hold your hand. My gaze holds steadfast to your beautiful eyes to resist glimpses of their faces turned up in sneers and ill-hidden disapproval. My ears, though filled with your sweet laughter can still hear the insults of derogatory remarks. It taints the innocence of your laughter and for that I hold myself back from flushing with anger the first several times. Leading up to this moment, I've had to hold my blush from displaying my embarrassment and after I've realized what the feeling is, shame.

Like I said; it is not your fault. The blame falls entirely on me.

I wonder sometimes when we're surrounded by the public if you ever even notice the ill will on their faces or hear their opinions fall from their mouths. Or is it that you don't care about them?

Darling you do not know how much I have wished to not care about them. Or maybe you do. You've always known my thoughts as if they were written clear as day on my face. I want to ignore them so much. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep when you're not here for the terrible person I am to let other people have a say in our relationship. They don't understand, they can't and yet I take direction from them. For that, I will never stop being sorry. For this, My Love I do not deserve your tears. Maybe someday I will but that day isn't today.

I have let others dictate the way we-I-love and it is the blackest form of treason to your heart. I have allowed them to tell me that our love isn't natural; that it's wrong. And I can never stop being so _sorry_ for that. It is my fault, and mine alone that I've let others taint what we have and I will never stop apologizing for that. It is betrayal of the heart and you of all people must know how I take betrayal. I have betrayed myself, you, us, our future, your love, and everything in between and I hate myself for it.

And yet still, I cannot stop this.

I do not want to stop this. I want to want to stop this though. To stop the ink from flowing and the finality of the words under the pressure of my hands.

(My Love pay no attention to the ink blotched from falling water. As you might've realized, I do not deserve your anything).

I want to crumble this paper with the rest and burn it under the fireplace and use its heat to keep us warm during the colder nights. I want to slide into bed with you and hold you as you sleep and have you hold me too as I curl up next to you. There are many things I want, my love, and it is selfish of me to boldly announce them on paper, permanently, to you as both of us realize none can ever happen. It is also selfish of me to prolong this letter...this final word that we know is coming.

My Love, perhaps the only selfless thing I will boldly and readily announce on this paper with permanent ink, is the desire for your happiness. For you to forget about me. I am not worth your tears nor am I worth the heartache. I wish that you will find someone who won't care about others; who will see you and hear only you and give you everything that you deserve, because you deserve someone who isn't ashamed of loving you under the light of day.

But I am being selfish again, prolonging this letter...holding back those final words.

Darling, it is just past midnight. The fire of the candle is dim in the darkness. You are still peacefully sleeping in our bed three feet away. And now I wonder, for the last time, how it is you can still take my breath away even in your dreams.

This is how I will remember you; peaceful, breathtaking, content, without me.

Goodbye My Love.

Yours Only.

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Guys please tell me what you think. Was it good? Bad? Neither? Constructive criticism is welcomed.

Thank you!


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